The Broken Pieces…
No one likes to be broken. No one.
I feel like a shell of a human. Fragile and cracked in a thousand places. I am teetering back and forth between tears and trying to breath. I am frustrated. I have found myself asking Him constantly, “Why this place? Why these heavy emotions? Why right now?”.
No one wants to feel this way. You know it and so do I. Most of all, most of us don’t even want to admit to feeling this way. Fear of judgement, of the whispers…oh there she is, a “mess” again…or people wondering why you can’t just get it together…maybe it is just me that thinks all these things, but I am pretty sure I am not alone.
I am one of those who doesn’t always start the day off with a devotional or reading. I tend to do this when my mind feels the most clear and sometimes when I feel like I am unraveling and I need to grasp into Him more.
Today is one of those later in the day type days…and I am so glad it was.
I know the Potter uses the broken pieces to create something new. What I learned today what that when the broken pieces are shattered just right, added to the new clay it enables the Potter to form it into a larger and stronger vessel. One that can go through hotter fires and when finished (glazed) it has a more beautiful and artistic look…
Okay.
I sat with that one for a minute…and before I knew it I was laughing and crying at the same time because frankly, who wants to be able to go through a hotter fire? I already feel burned to the crisp…Bless…He never said this walk would be easy, but He did say He would stand in the fire with me.
He would stand with me. For me. And when I couldn’t stand for myself, He would carry me…
I mean this is what I asked for…I did post the other day that I wanted 2023 to be the year that I worked on creating the life that I was chosen for.
In fact I literally said, “As the Potter molds me and shapes me, I welcome the creating.”
So I sit here, thinking of the things I asked for…I said and I re-read that part of my devotional again…okay. Deep breath. He has a plan.
That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it reminded me that I need to stop flailing around like I don’t have something to hold on to. Nothing on this earth will anchor me like He can. It probably doesn’t mean I won’t flail around more…but if I continue to let myself fall into fear, I will start to drown in the lies.
I type this in tears…okay with saying I am not okay…but also with a glimpse of understanding that this moment has a purpose.
My broken pieces must need some more shattering. I almost shutter at the thought…but if it creates me into something stronger, more beautiful and makes it so I can walk more into the life that has been chosen for me…I have to allow the shattering.
Deep breath. And a few more tears. Okay, maybe a lot more tears. I am a broken vessel. I am shattered and I feel that the parts of me that used to make sense, don’t. I am filled with tears of grief and fear and confusion that are pouring out of all of the cracks…Lord, help me find my rest.
