In the Midst…
I sit here looking out the window…the sun is shining, there is a gentle breeze…the sky is blue…it almost sounds to good to be true, but in the middle season it is these small things that matter. Deep breath.
Anticipation. There is so much of that hum moving in this house. Aaron’s last day is today and as he walks into the door today, a new beginning will be starting for us. Deep breath.
The closer we get to June means the closer July is. I can feel the wait of the first Father’s Day without my dad…it is right there in the back of mind and I don’t know how to even begin to process that and then move right into it being a year since I saw his face and said goodbye. Deep breath.
I feel the heaviness. I am fighting everyday to push through that weight. I am failing at it like crazy most days and I find myself frustrated with myself daily. I know that what matters is the pushing through and reaching for the light in that heavy dark. Deep breath.
This journey we all have…life…the day to day…relationships…mountain tops and valleys…somedays it seems like so much happened in the blink of an eye and then there are the days that seem like it just drags on…Deep breath.
I feel like I am at the cusp of having a breakthrough…One where all of the pain and suffering will start to make sense…one where I am praying this deep darkness with be peeled away like layers and I will walk into such a light that the growth and the understanding of it all will shine like a beacon…that I will be changed. That I will feel aligned with His plan and purpose again. That the heaviness and darkness will fear being in my presence…Deep breath.
He has to be enough in all of this. He has too. His plan, His timing…it has to be enough. Some days I find myself lamenting in the frustration of it all, but He is always there. It may not always feel the way I want it feel. It may not always be this amazing moment of peace and understanding, but without fail, He makes it known that He is there. Deep breath.
He gave us breath to praise Him. To fulfill all He has for us in our life. To speak His name, we have breath. It is His breath that fills our lungs…in all things I will use that breath to continue to speak His name. To trust His plan and purpose…Deep breath.
