Breathe.
Breathe.
For the past two weeks I feel like I have been running full speed ahead. My mind constantly going...my emotions running a little more rampant...personal issues, excitement, some sadness...things I can't control, but personally hurt...joy...I have felt them all. Some all at once and some a little deeper than I was prepared for.
I have been in His Word, but for me, when my emotions start running, I have to be more mindful. My emotions can be one of the greatest things about me, but it can also be the window the enemy needs to completely blindside me and before I know it, I am not taking a moment to breathe and process and think about what I am feeling and what I need to say. In this, I have a tendency to speak before I think, react before I actually have processed and many times, I end up hurting or offending someone else and most of the time myself.
I love hard and in loving hard, sometimes that means I am more open to hurting harder. I have spent a lot of time this year in books about making sure I take my thoughts captive and breathe when I am feeling too many emotions at once. That I remind myself that, "The heart is deceitful above all things..." (Jeremiah 17:9 esv) and that I daily need to ask Him to, "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" (Psalm 139:23-24 esv). When I am not in daily practice with this, the things that have troubled my mind and heart can overtake me without me evening being completely aware and I spend a lot of time speaking before I think, reacting without thought and not being mindful of what it is that I should say and do that honors Him.
Breathe.
I find anxiety in writing this. I can sit here and recall multiple instances in the past two weeks where I found myself cringing or wishing I would have taken that moment to breathe before I spoke...but that is exactly where the enemy wants me. Anxious, questioning, doubting and when I am where the enemy wants me, then I find myself failing even more because I am spending so much time trying to fix the things that He has already given me grace for.
I am a flawed human being and I am so aware of those flaws. I have issues that I constantly have to work on and be mindful of. I recognize and am so deeply aware of these flaws that I have to constantly remind myself that I need to give myself grace and realize that I can only do so much and that there will be times that I fail without thinking because I am human. I don't say that to excuse my actions or my mistakes, but to remind all of us that we are not expected to be perfect and that we are human. He does want us to be striving to be more created in His image and to do that we have to keep working on the things we know we lack in. That when we fail, we must give ourselves grace or we will end up trapped by the enemy in a repetition of shame, guilt and feeling like we cannot ever get it right.
Breathe.
We are not always going to get it right. In that, we need to realize that sometimes, in our failings, not everyone is going to have grace for us, but He always does. He can point us to the areas that we need His love and guidance in to grow and propel us into the places in His Truth to help us heal and grow. In wanting to be given grace, we sometimes need to remember that we also need to breathe before we choose to not extend grace to the person in front of us. Flawed. Hurting. Trying their best in the midst of their day...dealing with things that we may never know. To need Him is to also love others in the same way we desire to be loved.
So breathe. Go forward and try again. Do your best to learn and grow and no matter how hard the consequences can be from our moments of weakness, there is always an opportunity to learn.
