Growth....like a tree planted by streams of water....

Growth.

It is so freeing...filled with grace and hope...a newness of realizing who you are...but it can also be painful as growing pains sometimes are.

Letting go of who you have been and moving into who you need to become can be such a powerful experience. As I have started to choose what He has for me, I have started to realize so much about myself...good and bad...and acknowledge a lot of what holds me back personally and in relationships in my life.

I am thankful for the painful growth. I needed to change. I needed to learn to let go, not try to control, to stop worrying so much about what people thought of me...I needed to accept myself and the things about me that I was scared to open up to the world...and that is still a slow and steady process, but one I am embracing. I still have a lot of growing to do, but as I have been stretched and went through the ups and the downs the past few years, I have seen the fruit of that growth and if there has to be pain to get to the beauty, then there has to be pain.

What good are we are people if we are unwilling to see the flaws within ourselves? If we are unwilling to acknowledge what needs to be changed? If we are unwilling to actually grow?

The thing with growth is that sometimes you lose things that matter....sometimes by your own choice, sometimes not and that can be the hardest part...losing things or people that matter when they are not ready for the growth you have experienced...sometimes people...things really are meant for a season...and sometimes that heartbreak, that loss can be one of the hardest parts of the growth.

Not being liked, not being loved is hurtful...when it happens from the people you least expect it to happen from it is gut wrenching...but you can't live your life to please man and you should never avoid walking into the truth of who you are because of fear of rejection. I have allowed myself to give into that fear many times...the people I love matter deeply to me, but at the end of the day, they may not feel the same and to fight so hard for something that someone doesn't really want and in that fight to reject what He has for you...well your just inviting the enemy in to destroy, to lie and to keep you from what He has to further His kingdom....and to bring you to be formed to more into His image.

I feel that I am in the midst of some new growth...I look forward to see what is to come, but I also see that there may be moments, parts of the growth that may yield some of those growing pains...I can't live to make everyone happy. I can't make people like me....make them love me. I can pray that eyes will be open and see that my heart and my intentions are true...that my desire and my love is real and that as I work on myself...as I grow that I can only be who I am...I want to be who He has created me to be and to walk into the path and purpose that He has for me...whatever that means, whatever that takes....