And Still I Move.
In the past two weeks I can’t say life has been easier. The business and the waiting has yet to stop…the day to day life is still always moving and the valley is still here…BUT GOD.
As I move in the day to day and I find myself living in whatever the day gives, I find myself being reminded more and more that He is near. I mean I spent over an hour in just tears the other day and He showed up….the random text in the middle of the tears…the song that popped up when I hit shuffle on my phone (I mean sometimes I ask Him to give me the song and hit shuffle and I just let the song speak).
That is the thing. Moving. Some days the covers scream my name and try to lure me into staying there…but I choose to move. When I feel like I can’t, I choose to move.
That is thing. The choice we make. I have a friend that gets me in a million ways like no one else does. We share our valley days with each other…we send each other stupid Tik Toks…she comes for me when she knows I am hiding because I am struggling…she is literally a bright light in my life. The best part-she slid into my DMs…who doesn’t love a story when you can say our friendship started because she slid into my DMs!!
Depression is one of those things that for me, calls to the empty. The silence. The hiding. The ALONE. It wants me there. Not moving, not doing, not living…and since the previous blog - you know…waiting is divine…I am choosing to make the choice to MOVE. On really hard days, I give myself sometime in the bed…30 minutes to shed the tears or lament or just do nothing…and then I choose to move again.
It is not easy, but every time I make the choice to move, I feel like I am sticking it to enemy. Making sure he knows that he isn’t going to win today because I am choosing to accept the valley, whether I want to or not.
I mean who chooses the valley? Sure, I have lost my mind a few times and prayed for refinement - and that usually means some time in a valley…mercy I wonder what I think sometimes ;-)
No one chooses the struggle. No one really wants it. Dare I say we need it? Whether I want it or not, I am starting to see the refinement coming through…Heck I think I am fighting it a little even, but I know I need it.
Do I want these struggles? These things that are refining me? No. But somehow, making this choice to move…has done something in me that feels like a small victory. Choosing to press on, press in and moving in the middle of the mess…
He moves for us…everyday He is working, listening, doing the things of God that we don’t even always know He is doing….moving…
So in this, still I will move…I pray that He moves the things in front of me…that He would work and heal and help me be a light…AND HE MOVES….so I will too…because when I move, He can work.
