This is 41…
I decided the best way to start this blog post was with a picture - no glasses to hide the bags and the desperately needed to be waxed eyebrows...just me, 41.
How crazy that my birthday was the day the local mayor announced a stay at home order starting this weekend and the TN governor announced one for the state. A shopping trip to the store that was filled with panic and anxiety ridden people that ended with me almost in a panic attack myself. Yep. The past few weeks have already been interesting to say the least. The next few...well only time will tell.
As I roll into 41, I am still dealing with a lot of health issues and ongoing appointments. I am still not working full time (right now, not at all) and I am still in a partial season of waiting on what He has next for me...But, in this unprecedented time, I have been able to push into other areas of my life with intentionality. I been able to spend way more time in His Word. I have been able to stay on track with my reading goals. I have been able to rest and I am working on picking up drawing again. I have been able to start outlining and planning things that I would like to start doing in the near future. These may not be huge things, but for me they matter. It gives me the chance to do things that fill me with hope, joy and time to be able to spend time with people that I love.
Let me tell you, this was not how I wanted to start 41, but I trust that in all of this His plan is better and there has to be a reason. Maybe it is just a time for us to find our way back to what is important and that the the constant running and going and not being able to sit and be with those who matter most....maybe it is time to get back to family.
Listen, I hurt for my teacher friends, for the students, for the parents thrust into homeschooling...for the loss of all of the end of the year celebrations...I hurt for my friends who have had to postpone weddings, trips, not see some of their family and be away from their loved ones....whose jobs have been furloughed and for those who are still essential and especially those of us who watch our loved ones go to the hospital to work on a regular basis.
Fear is lurking at every home and in every mind. There is so much daily disruption...the enemy is lurking. He wants us all crippled in our minds and our hearts, doubting that God is near in all of this...I have had those moments where I have started to question, but because of my intentionality, I am quickly reminded just how near God is.
I refuse to start 41 living in fear and living in panic mode. It is hard to keep it at bay. My anxiety is right there at the tip of blowing at every moment. I have to be in His Word and I have to remind myself of the goodness of God. Most of all I need to be searching for what it is He is trying to show and teach me in this time.
I want to be a better me at 41 then I was at 40. I want to learn from the mistakes I made last year and not carry them into this year. Most of all, I want to be mindful of this time, right now and press into Him and make sense of the what, the why and the reason the best I can. I want to deepen the relationships in my life and focus on what needs to grow, heal and be more important in them.
Today, I am going to hold onto this verse:
Psalm 18:30 (esv) speaks this truth:
"This God - His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord proves true;
He is a Shield for all those who take refuge in Him."
