The Lie: "I Am Not Enough" The Truth: "He is Enough"

I have watched the cursor blink for about 15 minutes before I started typing. This post is the hardest to write because it is the biggest lie I have believed about myself and it is also the one lie that I have to constantly break myself of.

Every time I fail, I hear the dark whispering "You are not enough".

You are not a good enough wife, a good enough mom, a good enough family member, a good enough friend, a good enough person.....a good enough believer.....

Insert whatever title you want, the enemy says them all and they cut like a deeply rooted wound and it can be crippling in the right circumstance.

Relationships in our lives evolve. Our kids grow and as they reach each different stage, your relationship with them changes. The same for marriage. You grow as people, you mature, you walk through different stages with your kids (if you have them) and parenting, you become empty nester's and you change. As you each walk through your spiritual life, you go through different trials and tribulations, some as individuals and some as a couple and you change and there are times you feel inadequate for the person before you...not enough....

The lie that I am not enough stems from all the things that I spoke about in my previous blogs, but it mostly stems from my own self perception, the way I view myself when I look in the mirror, the way I see the different stages of my life and the relationships around me.

I have failed. I have so failed at so many things. I have failed as a wife. I have failed as mom. I have failed as a family member and as a friend. I have failed as a believer.

Don't get me wrong, I have grace for myself and I realize we all fail and in those failings there are lessons learned and healing given.

I have always put a lot of stock in the way I am viewed by others - especially in how Aaron, our sons and those closest to me view me.

Aaron is the most gracious, patient and loving person. I know I have deeply failed him and he continues to love me and support me and forgive me. He is willing to walk a path with me that is rocky, messy and sometimes so narrow he has to drag me through it.

With my boys, there is still a lot to learn and figure out. I have failed as a mom and there are some things you can't fix or redo. Now that they are adults, I feel as if I fail them more because it is hard to learn to be a parent, but not parent and I find a lot of fear in that area because I don't know what to do sometimes so I panic, spiral and end up in a place I do not want to be.

I could go on and on, but that is not the point. I think we could all sit in a circle and list failure after failure....because we all fail. Then we will look at each other and see the judgement in each others eyes, the unspoken words....because as people that is what we do. We assume judgement, unspoken words, negativity because we place our stock in other people.

I am going to quickly say that we do need to remember how we are seen can attest to His glory, who He is, how we live, how we deal with things, etc. As believers, our testimony matters, but it is not our responsibility to please everyone.

But this really isn't about others. It is about self perception. The way we view ourselves projects to what we believe others think and see in us.

But God....

What we believe about ourselves should be taken straight from what He says about who we are in Him. Every person on this earth - past, present, future...have all fallen short (see Romans 3:23 esv). We all sin, fail, struggle....we are human. BUT as believers, we have been given grace, forgiveness and His mercies are new every morning (see Lamentations 3:22-23 esv).

So today, I stand in from on the mirror and I looked at myself and told myself all the ways I am not enough. I looked at myself and said all the things I think about myself.

It broke me.

Devastated me.

By the time I was done I was crippled with tears and devastation.

Then I took God's Holy Word. His love letter to me. HIs Truth and I began to speak that over the lies.

In God, I am chosen, accepted, forgiven, loved, holy, righteous, beautiful, compassionate, loving, I have purpose, I am strong, I am capable.....

He created me. Before the heavens He created me. He thought the earth needed me. He knit me in my mothers womb, cell by cell. He loved me before I took my first earthly breath.

He died for me. He looked at all the sins of my life and still saw that I was worth dying for so that I could spend eternity in His presence. He was beaten and mocked for me. He was spit on and tortured for me. All because He loved me. Me.

When I ran from Him, He chased after me. When I denied Him, He waited for me. When I rejected Him, He stayed.

See in His eyes I am enough and when I am not enough for the circumstances around me or when those around me aren't enough for my needs, He is.

Though people may give up on me, He never will.

He can fill every empty place in my life.

He can love me with a love like no other.

He has conquered every lie, every storm and every stronghold that is in my life.

I am enough because He is enough. He heals every broken area of my life and fills it with His grace, mercy and goodness. In Him, I am whole. I am enough.