The Intensity in Growth…
Wow. It has been an intense few weeks. If you follow me on socials or know me in real life, it may not have been visible. That is because it isn’t visible. Most growth usually isn’t.
The Hallway and I have spent a lot of time looking at the pictures of the past on the walls, looking in the mirrors…opening some old doors and some new.
I am in a full blown season of growth and it is intense. Intense because some growth is easy. Intense because some growth is hard. Intense because that usually means change and change can sometimes be seamless and sometimes it can be well, intense.
I always thought when I was in my forties I would have it all figured out…work, life, who I am…I also never expected this would be a time that I, that we, would be embarking in new businesses and so much potential in the coming year.
God is really in the details. There are many moments that I have questioned that. There will probably be moments that I still question that…but in the questioning, He has shown me that my questions are important. That it is important that I face those questions with Him. That I continue to seek and study and find out all I need to as I look to grow, heal and become more of who I was meant to be.
Healing. I think that most of all, He is bringing a lot of healing. Healing from trauma or maybe just a deeper understanding of the why, the outcome of it and learning to understand the triggers…Healing from loss…not just the lose of my dad, but of other people in my life who I thought would still be here - friends, family - and for the change in relationships that I thought would be different… some of the change good and some a little heartbreaking…
Intense…so much of what intensity is…is force…feeling it all deeply. Intensity usually would cause me anxiety, BUT when intensity is bringing so much clarity and understanding, the intensity makes sense. I think that bringing a willingness to embrace the hallway has changed the way I feel this season.
Don’t misunderstand me…anxiety comes. Fear creeps in. Hurt is happening. Reality is what it is. Emotions are what they are. I think a lot happens when I am open to feeling, going through…accepting that in growth there are things that I won’t like or want to feel but I am willing. I am willing.
So much of what I feel in this season is that I want people to understand that it is okay to live in the hallway. It is okay to be in a season of change. It is okay to embrace new and maybe say goodbye…Most of all, that He is faithful in the hallway. He is with you in the hallway. That He has a plan and a purpose in the hallway…in the waiting… He is faithful.
