The Hallway

Willing.

Available.

It has been almost a year since I felt Him guiding me into an open door. One that was showing me His plan and His purpose for my life. A plan and a purpose that made sense, that was affirmed in many ways and that I still believe to be true.

Sometimes we are called, the door opens and the plan and purpose just begins to unfold.

Sometimes we are called, the door opens and we step into the hallway...into the waiting.

My door opened to the hallway and the hallway can be a difficult place to be. Once I walked into the doorway and realized it was into a hallway, I made an intentional point to close the door behind me. I made a decision to not allow myself to turn back around and change my mind.

I knew that being placed in the hallway meant that He was asking for continued obedience. For a willingness to walk through trials and potentially more brokenness to grow. To be willing to fail and see why that failure was necessary. To be willing to face rejection, negativity and even discouragement.

The hallway has not disappointed in any of those areas. It has been both a blessing and it has also been a lot more difficult than I expected. The first time I sent in something for submission I had no expectations. I am still in a learning and growing process, but rejection still stings and I spent a few days questioning myself and wondering what He was doing because by this time, the time in the hallway was already longer than what I expected it to be.

I realized that just being willing to be in the hallway and "come what may" was not enough. I needed to be intentional with continuing to grow in the areas I felt He was calling me too and I need to be intentional with continuing to grow in the areas that I struggle with....like patience and trust.

Just like the narrow gate, I believe the hallway is narrow and even with a clear purpose and a plan, He needed me to be obedient to the areas of my life that still needed a narrowing. I was aware of some and in the process of pushing myself to grow and to learn, but I was not aware of others and there is a constant humbling that happens when you realize that you need to step up in some areas you thought were "good".

I want my life to be used to bring Him glory. I want to honor Him and use my gifts to help others, bring them into relationship with Him, too healing, and to point to Him. I want be more than just someone wandering the earth seeking meaningless ways to find satisfaction and temporary happiness.

The hallway is not the place I thought that I would be almost a year later, but if I have learned anything, His reasons are not to be questioned and His reasons are always necessary.

So in this time, I will continue to be willing to grow, learn and if I need to be broken, then willing to be broken.

Let us not be scared of the hallway, of the waiting. It is in the waiting that we sometimes learn the greatest lessons and sometimes can be found to be the most willing of vessels.

Most of all, I will be available to be used by Him. My heart and hands are open to what it is He has for me to do, to learn, to hear....whatever it takes....more of Him and less of me.