This year has come RUSHING in. After the way 2024 went, I can’t say I was completely hyped for a new year. It's interesting that there is a dynamic...new year, new everything. I have been a total new year hype girl many times, but in the aftermath of so much hard, I didn't want to give myself this glossed over attitude.
For me, it felt unauthentic. I get so exhausted feeling like I have to be, well fake. Let’s be honest, unauthentic is just a bigger word for it. Smiling when I am dying inside is just getting too exhausting and worrying about people whispering that I just can’t seem to get it together…well, I am too exhausted to care anymore.
The truth is, I am working hard to get it together. The amount of things that I don't talk about and that no one knows is real. I'm in a constant space of working towards healing and the past few years, but especially the past year, it seemed like every corner I started to turn, I was just hit in the face with something that stopped progress and became another hurdle to jump before I could continue on the journey I was working towards.
So the year rushed in and I was in no place to just throw down a word for the year because I should...this is something that I have done for many years now. I was also not just going to jump into a bunch of things I would do no matter what and fill my mind with promises to make myself feel like I was just doing.
I released the pressure of the new year dynamic and just went with it.
I was reading something online and there it was. Mark 5:34 (esv), "And he said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease." It stopped me right there. Her faith. Her immediate healing.
I have read this account many times. It isn’t that I had never seen it or I didn’t understand it. It was one of those moments that I knew He sent it to me. It was for me. It was to remind me that in all things this year, I never lost my faith, and I didn’t run from Him. In the days that were so dark, darker than even I want to admit because it was terrifying to be in that place, I knew He was still there. Though there were days my faith felt shaky, it was still there.
I believe He heals. I believe in miracles and that He does things that we will never be able to explain. I believe that there are different forms of what healed means. I realize now that in my faith, that what I thought healing should look like, may not be what He has for it to look like for me. That doesn’t make me any less healed than anyone else and I know now that my journey needs to stop being about what I think it should be and I need to really release my healing story to Him. I know that on the other side of heaven my healing is complete and what He may have for me on this side, well it doesn’t always look Instagram worthy.
So my word for 2025 is healed. Because I will continue to work towards physical, spiritual, mental and emotional healing. I will work towards the grief I carry in the losses of the people I love, in the loss of what I thought my journey with my dad would be, in the loss of dreams that I thought would have already come to pass… I will work toward healing from the wounds of trauma and pain that I have let fester for to long…
So whatever that looks like. I’m sure there will be days that I can barely breathe in it all and that grief and joy may be living side by side, I also know that He is in the story. He is in control and in my faith in Him, I will be healed.
