In the Middle of Healing....

Healing.

Whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual healing, I feel that I am always in the midst of some type of healing.

You may tip your head and think well that doesn't sound right or healthy or maybe just think that cannot be true. But it is. And I believe that we are all moving through a place of healing on a regular basis.

I believe God heals. Some times it may not be seen here on this earth, but as a believer, we know that one day, we will stand in heaven, completely and fully healed from all things. I look forward to the day of no more physical pain in my body. No more tears that seem to never end some days. No more mental moments of inability. But most of all, no more spiritual struggle as I will be fully present with Him.

I have been honest about the fact that I have physical aliments.

I have CPRS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) in my left shoulder, arm, hand and it sometimes flows into my hip. This is by far the most debilitating thing I have ever experienced and mixed with fibromyalgia, it can make for some interesting days.

I have struggled with Liver Disease (thankfully that is in a good place and no more damage is happening at this time).

I have an autoimmune disease that has weakened my immune system drastically.

Do I pray that He will heal me? Absolutely. Do I believe He can? Absolutely. We can see throughout scriptures that He healed many. Do I believe that there is a chance that my healing may not come on this earth? I do. Some days, I find myself struggling with that concept, but other days I realize He has to have a purpose, even if it is just an ability to understand someone else's struggle.

I have been honest that I struggle with both emotional and mental ailments. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for most of my adult life. I have PTSD from past traumas and let me tell you, there are days where the anxiety and depression work some serious overtime and when you read that you may see a smile, but inside someone is breaking....that is truth.

One of my biggest issues with this area is that people assume that if you struggle with these things, you are not trusting Him enough, etc...let me tell you, is there times where I should lean into Him more? Yes. BUT these are real issues. I have been in regular counseling for years and without shame take medication to help myself. But there have been some very dark days and some very scary mornings. Do I believe that He can heal these? I do. What I have learned is that sometimes the wilderness is necessary for refinement and growth. Sometimes it is self inflicted and sometimes, it has given me a way to be able to love someone through their pain, because again, I understand it.

My cry to you all is this - sometimes the last thing someone needs is to be told what they already know - pray, joy comes in the morning, trust Him more...etc...Most of us know this, are doing this and are struggling with the why even when we are in the Truth and praying and doing all the things...why are we still here? Most of the time just being a friend, giving a moment, a hug, a smile, a how are you doing text will do more for a person than you could imagine. It has been these small things that have reminded me just how close He really is because, for me, those are the small gifts He gives me to keep going.

I have been honest that I have struggled spiritually. I have struggled to relinquish my past sins, to believe that He could really love me, that He can provide, that He has a plan and a purpose...I am sure I am not alone in this. In all of this, there has been growth, weeping, forgiveness, but most of all, patience and grace.

See there have been moments that the I have sat in Joy and still had something above going on - constant prayer for some type of healing in these categories, but God has always been gracious and merciful.

A pain free day, is a fabulous day, but it doesn't mean that a harsh word on that day doesn't wreck me emotionally, so I have to pray, forgive, feel...and heal.

A joy filled day doesn't mean I don't have pain in my body, but I have to keep going and bask in that sun and pray and hope for a pain free tomorrow...and heal.

A day awakened with a heavy heart and cloud doesn't mean that I cannot have a smile or a beautiful time of prayer...it just means that the heaviness is there, lurking...so I read His truth and pray that tomorrow will be a day of light....and heal.

Always healing, constantly moving and to just keep going is sometimes all I can do. But I believe in the waiting there is room to learn, grow and hope....He is Healer - whether on this earth or in forever, I know that someday, it will be done.