Starting 2020....

Here we are. Almost one week into the New Year.

How many of us had a list of what we were going to do starting 1/1/2020? How many of us already feel frustrated or discouraged with that list?

This year, I am trying something new. I have things I want to accomplish this year, but what I have learned about myself is that having a list ends up becoming something to be anxious about. I didn't meet the date or I messed up one day, blah blah blah.

I am not living this year in a place where I am doing things that cause my anxiety to run rapid. Anxiety is crippling enough without me adding things to it for no reason.

This doesn't mean that I don't have hopes and dreams for the New Year, but it means that I am not going to put a date on it.

Last year, I took the time to really focus on a word and a scripture for myself. I found this to be a powerful tool for myself and when times went a direction I wasn't expecting, it gave me something to seek and hold on too.

This year, I am focusing on "trust". I have learned a lot about myself in the past few years and I know that I need to truly start to trust Him and not in a way that allows me to try to control the process and the timing. In this, I have chosen the verse, "I TRUST in the steadfast love of God forever and ever..." (Psalm 52:8b ESV).

I have chosen a Bible Study that focuses on this area and I am also starting the year studying Ephesians so that I can focus on what it means to be a believer and to serve in that capacity.

I have a pile of books I want to read.

I have some things I would like to try and places I would like to visit.

I have an exercise program I want to finish.

Some may say these are goals and they kind of are, but none of them have any timetable to pressure of getting done.

The only things that I am truly going to focus on is growing closer to Him and being more present with my husband, our children and the time we get with family. All of the other "want to do things" are optional and bonus things.

Goals are great. I am not against them. Timetables are great. I actually appreciate them.

The problem is, I end up focusing in the wrong way and I just want to be present. I just want to be learning and growing, loving and doing. I want to make memories, have laughter, and find the joy in the daily things again. What I don't want is pressure and discouragement. I have always been my own worst enemy and negative self talk. I don't want to find myself lost in that pattern again.

I want to find myself growing in giving myself grace, spending time with Him not because I have to check something on my list, but because I just want to. I want to know that my relationship with Him is authentic, not because I am doing what I am supposed to, but because I find myself wanting to have time with Him because I need it like I need air and water.

Ladies, we constantly find ourselves in the game of comparison with each other. We look at social media and see all of this "perfection" and how it seems everyone has it all together but us. We question our choices because of others opinions and we find ourselves struggling because we cannot get it all done. Imagine if we all just became authentic, present in our daily lives and honest in our struggles and with our need to walk through life with each other - we could all be better for it.

I know I am better for it already. No pressure and I find myself enjoying more and more about what I get to do, not what I have too.